If You Want to Change – Do Not Do This

Everyone talks about goals.

(Well, not everyone, but a lot of people.)

And when they do, they rarely talk about the most important part. They talk about being specific and measurable. They talk about being segmented and shared.

But they never talk about the ‘right’ goal.

Yes, some goals are good and some goals are bad. Terrible, to be honest.

The wrong goal can stress you out, make you miserable, and leave you feeling like a complete failure. Oh, and they’re nearly impossible to achieve.

So what makes a goal good and what makes a goal bad?

The right goal is simple: it’s YOUR goal. It’s something you want because of what it will make of you and what it will deliver. This is key to motivation. YOU have to want IT. That is the engine of drive.

The advice might sound easy, but it’s rarely followed. Instead, people choose a goal for all the wrong reasons, four of which stand out among the crowd. We’ll cover what they are below and wrap up today’s issue with the reason they’re so dangerous.

When you’re thinking about going after a goal, never, ever choose one because you want to…

1. Gain acceptance.

If you set out to change your life or make something big happen just to fit in, you’ll fail. Or, if you win, you’ll lose. You won’t get that
sense of accomplishment that comes from working toward the things that matter to you most.

2. Reach someone else’s goals.

This happens all the time. Johnny is going to engineering school because Dad was an engineer. Does Johnny like it? Not at all. But he doesn’t want to let his dad down.

(Grammar Nerd Alert: You’ll notice dad is capitalized first but not second. The first instance was used as a proper noun and the second as a common noun. Lesson over.)

3. Avoid rejection.

We all want to fit in so badly that we’ll dart to the ends of the earth to do it (because that’s where our friends are jumping off bridges).

Because of this ingrained need, we say we want to do things that we don’t really want to do. We even go beyond talk and start doing something about it. But it’s not our goal, and that’s why it can never deliver what we want.

4. Undermine.

‘I’ll show him.’ That’s how it starts. Someone thinks we can’t do something, so we take on the goal just to prove him wrong. Bad idea.

Why should these reasons be avoided?

Disconnection.

When you want something because you want it, you have internal motivation. You’ll get out of bed early, push your muscles to the breaking point, and do what needs to be done because you want the outcome of the effort.

Every step forward, no matter how painful, is worth it. It’s bringing you one step closer to what you want.

There is a direct connection, an absolute link between what you want, what you do, and what you get.

When your goal is to please or fit in or undermine, you don’t want the goal. You want a side effect.

So instead of the hard work bringing you directly closer to what you want, it’s just work. Work you don’t enjoy. And when you succeed, if you can squeeze out a victory, the success is empty. You didn’t want the goal to begin with.

How motivated would you be to read the phone book? (What if everyone was doing it?)

Motivation survives on your wanting something for its own sake. Not to please, not to undermine, not to fit in, and definitely not to reach someone else’s 
goals.

The next time you want to change your life, make sure it’s for the right reasons.