Motivation123 Blog

Ben Johnson snapped awake in a cold sweat, his heart pounding in his chest.

He looked to see the time – 3:14 AM.

It was at that moment that his life would never be the same.

New Year’s Eve was right around the corner, and, to celebrate the occasion, Ben went to dinner with a few close friends downtown.

After finishing their meals, someone brought up the topic of resolutions. And, soon enough, they were taking turns describing
their hopes for the coming year.

When Ben’s turn came, he listed a handful of changes he wanted to make, and as quickly as the topic started, it was over.

But it would soon return.

That night, at 3:14 AM, the revelation that woke Ben was this: his list of goals for the new year was identical to last year’s.

Nothing had changed.

While most people would laugh off a repeating list of resolutions, Ben didn’t find it funny.

It was terrifying.

He knew that the life he always thought would be his was slowly slipping away…that ‘someday’ fairytale was fading fast.

An entire year had passed without a single goal achieved. Not one. Finally, he accepted the fact that nothing would ever change
unless he broke the pattern.

Nothing would ever improve unless he did committed to doing something different, something massive.

This was just the fire Ben needed to stop planning for a better life and instead do something about it.

You need to do the same thing.

Rarely does life change for the better while we’re not looking. We make it happen.

But we’re scared. And we’re comfortable.

That may be true, but even more unsettling than change is regret. You may be scared,  but years from now you’ll be filled with
disappointment and pain for missing out on the chance to really live.

You may be comfortable with your routine now, but eventually you’ll realize time has run out to do the things you’ve always
wanted to do.

Your life will never be what you want it to be if you don’t do something about it.

Don’t sit and think. Don’t brood. Don’t consider the possibilities.

Get up. Shake off the dust. And get to work.

Because if you put your goals off another year, chances are almost certain you’ll do it for the rest of your life.

1. You already know what you have to do.

2. You are capable of far more than you think.

3. There will always be a thousand reasons to not do something.

4. Your time is not necessarily short, but it is certainly counting down.

5. The pain of regret will quickly outweigh the pain of failure.

6. Your THING is found through experience, not waiting for a knock at the door.

7. Give yourself a break.

8. If there is more than one way to skin a cat, there is more than one way to achieve your goal.

9. It is not going to kill you.

10. The point of life is not to fit into an acceptable, normal, attention-deflecting mold.

11. You have already accomplished far more than you realize.

12. One small act in the right direction can change everything.

13. Things could be better, but they could also be worse.

14. Your problems may not be your fault, but there is no doubt the solutions are your responsibility.

15. People have done far more with far less.

16. You are going to remember the times you passed on an opportunity longer than the times you tripped chasing it.

17. Someone has done what you now want to do.

18. If it does not scare you, you are not trying hard enough.

19. Change does not require months or weeks; a few, intelligently-used minutes will do.

20. Do not wait until it is perfect–it never will be and never has to be.

21. Do something different.

22. Things do not get better–you do.

23. Your life is not going to change while you are sitting on the couch.

24. You will never get rid of every butterfly in your stomach.

25. There will always be something else that has to be done.

26. Be happy for today, hopeful about tomorrow.

27. The average overnight success is ten years in the making.

28. Give to get…or just give.

29. Happiness is less a result of having than of helping.

30. Do not overlook the everyday miracle.

31. You can wait all you like; time and opportunity will not.

- – -

What would you add to the list of important thoughts to think? Let us know in the comments below!

Breaking a habit can be as hard as staying awake in an 8:00 A.M. geology lecture. It is, nevertheless, possible. (Or so they say; I could never stay awake in that class.) Perhaps it would have been easier had I followed the doctor’s orders.

1. Recognize Your Triggers. Our habits are often prompted. Dr. Wendy Wood, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, put it this way: “If you regularly eat chips while sitting on the couch, after a while, seeing the couch will automatically prompt you to reach for the Doritos.” The couch becomes a trigger.

With this knowledge in hand, the shame- filled snack lover has a new weapon of attack. Instead of relying on willpower to resist the chips, he or she can stop the urge before it strikes by sitting in a different spot–or selling the couch.

2. Snap Yourself. Whether it’s biting nails or drinking soda, we do bad things for a reason. Though it might be hidden, there’s a reward milling around there somewhere.

Brian Wansink, Ph.D., author of Mindless Eating, offers simple advice to take advantage of the fact. “Habits,” he says, “become that way because they provide value to a person.” To change the habit, take away the value.

Here’s his tip: Put a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you engage in your negative behavior, snap it–and snap it hard! (Well, not too hard.) Simple as it sounds, it works. According to Dr. Wansink, “It’s a quick way to pair non-reinforcing behavior with the behavior you want to stop.”

3. Hang in There. If you’re trying to start a new habit, for example jogging every morning, Monika Fleshner, PhD., has good news. If you can force it for two or three weeks, habit will soon take over the heavy lifting.

Here’s the science: When you do something such as exercising, something that makes you feel good when you’re through, neurotransmission of dopamine is increased.

(Dopamine, if you don’t already know, is associated with the pleasure system of the brain. It produces feelings of enjoyment, which motivates the action that triggered it and helps to form a habit.)

The more you exercise, the more you get chemically rewarded. After two to three weeks, your brain will actually crave the activity. You’ll be eager to exercise.

We’ve all heard the advice: to achieve your goals, share them with others.

While there are pros to this advice, surprising evidence (dating as far back as 1920) reveals that it might actually hurt your chances of success.

Derek Sivers explains it all.

Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Move

Go for a walk. Jump up and down. Run into the middle of the street (no, don’t do that.)

It’s been said a million times, so this makes it 1,000,001. When we move, we feel better, think better, and do better. If you want to get something done, start moving.

Break It Down, Again and Again

Everyone says break down your goal. I’m different. I say, Break down your goal, and then break it down again! (I know, I’m a wizard with this stuff.)

Goals are about change and change is scary. So people hesitate, forget, and move on. But not if you make the step forward small enough. In that case, the discomfort is lowered to an acceptable level and you actually do it. So break it down, again and again.

Never Wait for Permission

If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ll remember that I gave you permission to do whatever you wanted to do a few weeks ago. So this one is for the new readers…or the old ones with terrible memories.

People want someone, somewhere, to say it’s okay. They need reassurance that their ideas aren’t ridiculous. Do they really need it? Of course not, but they feel they do. So they wait for someone to give permission, and waiting is the enemy of progress.

Just in case you’re one of the waiters, here you go: I grant you permission to go forth with your crazy idea and have a wonderful time doing it.

Do It for Me (or Someone Else)

People like people. Not all people, of course, but we’re social creatures. We need companionship, conversation, connection. Let’s be terrible humans and use this to our advantage.

If you aren’t changing for you, do it for someone else. Think about how a better you will help you mom or dad, your husband or wife, your son or daughter. What will your success bring into their lives? (An example to follow? Security? A happier you?)

Get Around the Right People

The old adage: If you want to be rich, hang out with rich people. (Insert your goal in place of ‘rich,’ and the adage is all yours.)

When you spend time with people who have what you want–as opposed to merely reading about them–you can’t help but pick up a little of their mojo. You see how they think, how they interact with people, how they work through problems, how they respond to chaos. In essence, how they do what they do.

And when you do what they do, you get what they got.

Avoid the Wrong People

Franklin said it best: He that lieth down with Dogs, shall rise up with Fleas. In other words, the tip above works just as well in reverse. If you spend time with the wrong people, they’ll rub off on you.

We are genetically programmed to fit in. Otherwise, we’d be kicked out of the tribe and starve. So when good people are part of a bad group, they are motivated to join in and be accepted as one of the gang (which explains why gangs are so powerful). Avoid this risk. If your circle of friends includes people doing things you don’t want to do, make a change. Create some distance. Or run.

Mess with Your Routine

Routine is a killer…of hopes, dreams, and spontaneous dance sessions. It’s like a sopping wet blanket draped on us at all hours of the day; we drag ourselves, zombie-like, from one routine to the next. We’re not really living, just dragging.

You need to break out of this.

Do something different. Instead of coming home and flopping onto the couch, come home and flop onto your bike. Instead of hopping on Facebook at the start of the day, donate to a charity online. Instead of doing what you always do, do something different.

Never Wait for the Idea

Are you waiting for the idea to hit you? To punch you square in the nose, maybe sometime next month? Reality check: it won’t.

Whether it’s your life purpose or just a new hobby, people sit around and wait for the right idea to strike. “I’m not sure what I want. It’ll come sooner or later.” Bet on later.

You have to do things if you want to figure out what’s right for you. Join clubs. Read books. Meet people. Do, do do. Then you’ll know, for certain, which things are for you and which are for someone else.

Do One Thing

I’m working on a new book for you. Well, it’s an updated version of an old book. And it’s not just for you, but for everyone in our little community. (But mainly for you.)

This project is part of a long list of things I need to get done. As such, it’s not getting the attention it needs. What I need to do, and what you need to do with whatever you have to accomplish, is focus on finishing one thing. Not dabbling in dozens. Just one.

Push aside e-mail. Push aside television. Push aside all the little things that eat away at your time like a hungry caterpillar on a sunny day. Focus on getting one thing done, from start to finish. Then, when it’s complete, you can move on. But not until it’s done.

(I’ll take this advice in a moment, but if I followed it now the post would be over already.)

What is the Worst Thing?

What’s the absolute worst thing that will happen if you go for it and screw up? At first it might seem as though dreadful things will occur. The stock market will crash. Your car will explode. We’ll discover the moon isn’t made of cheese.

But, when you look at the facts, you quickly realize the worst case isn’t actually that bad.

Your life won’t be over if no one likes your novel. You won’t risk everything if you take that trip to Australia. You won’t pass out if you give that presentation to the board.

What is the Worst Thing? (Part 2)

Same question, different idea.

What’s the worst thing that will happen if you wimp out and give up before you even begin? Think bad, really bad. The more horrifying you make this picture, the more driven you’ll be to make sure it never happens.

(A smoker shouldn’t imagine wasting hoards of money or having trouble finishing a walk up the stairs; he should imagine leaving behind a family shattered, a loved one taken by cancer too soon.)

What is the Best Thing?

What is the absolute best thing that is going to happen when you finally reach your goal? As with the tip above, the bigger you make this possibility, the more motivational juice it will have.

Tips within a Tip: When you have your idea, write it down on paper and put it in a place you’ll see often. Then find pictures to represent that idea. If you want to be a philosophy professor, for example, you might find a picture of a cavernous lecture room. This image will automatically bring to mind the joy you’ll feel as you walk into your own classroom, dozens of seats filled with smiling faces eager to learn. (Hey, it’s your vision, so you can fudge the facts a little.)

New, New, New

Do something you’ve never done before.

Go Big

I know it’s cheesy–and I’m no fan of cheese–but the idea has some merit. If you aim high, you’ll make some pretty incredible things happen. Here’s why:

We aren’t excited about easy tasks. Tie your shoes today? Do a happy dance when finished? I didn’t think so. (If you did…well, congrats.) What excites us are true challenges. We love to be pushed, to overcome, to be victorious in the face of untold obstacles. It’s part of our chemistry.

We also love big ideas. They inspire. They fill our heads with hope. They motivate.

So think big.

DEADline

Choose a date on which to finish or your idea is as good as dead.

As a species, we can generate excuses faster than anything on earth. I’m flabbergasted at how quickly people churn out an endless stream of reasons why they can’t do something about their goals. Yes, flabbergasted.

We’re geniuses at rationalizing, so we have to be on guard against our own crafty selves. Deadlines are one way to do that. Put a concrete date on an idea and the wishy-washy concept becomes a real thing.

Instead of digging up excuses for procrastination, your brain looks for ways to finish the work by the end date.

Not Ready? Do It Anyway!

It doesn’t have to be perfect. This one idea could change your life forever.

Smart people from every walk of life run into this: they have an idea, learn about said idea, and, then, they learn a little more. Then a little more. Then a little more…then a little more.

It’s the good ol’ paralysis by analysis.

They put off actually doing the real work because learning about it is so much more comfortable. No real progress is made, but it sure feels like they’re doing something. They just keep learning, waiting for the moment when they know everything, when their plans are guaranteed to work flawlessly.

No more. Good enough is good enough. That video you want to put on your blog that has bad lighting? Get it up. That script you want to show your friends but has a few holes in the story? Show them. That dance routine you want to try out at the place where they do dance routines? Just dance.

The most important thing is to do it. You can fix it, tweak it, change it, scrap it later. But nothing happens until you put your idea in action. No more waiting, no more studying. Do it.

Realize (Part 1)

You know that thing you really want to do?

No, not that one. The other one.

Yeah…that one.

Someone else has already done it. Realize that means you can do it too.

Realize (Part 2)

You have the opportunity right now. You can finish reading this post (all the way to the end!) and do something about your goals or ideas. That’s right now. Tomorrow…next week…next month? Who knows.

There are no promises. Realize that what you see today might not be there tomorrow.

I suggest acting when you can. (That’s right now, but not until you’re done reading.)

Realize (Part 3)

Realize the plateau you hit may not be a sign to quit. It might be the dip, Seth Godin’s term for the hard part of the process that divides those who can’t hack it from those who stand above the crowd as truly special, as rare.

Quit

Having said that, sometimes it’s not only okay to quit, it’s the best possible choice.

When you know you’re heading down the wrong path–and not just a difficult stretch that challenges you–get out. There’s no sense in sticking with a goal that isn’t right for you, just as there’s no sense in reading a bad book to the end (though I feel that tug every time).

Life is too short.

Quit when it’s wrong, stick when it’s right.

Help!

Don’t do it by yourself. Find people who know more than you do. Reach out. Get help.

– - – -

Now it’s your turn. What’s your most effective motivation tip? Let me know in the comments below and we’ll get this conversation rolling.

The thought of having a passion is exciting.

You’ll feel alive and useful. You’ll be eager to act and grow. You’ll love your life.

Sounds good. What’s more, it’s true.

But that doesn’t make finding your passion any easier. We might all agree that it’s an exciting idea, but few people know their purpose.

They–you–need the sticky test.

Waiting for the Bug to Bite

Here’s the problem: people treat passion like a cold; they wait for it to catch them.

Wait around long enough and you’ll stumble upon ‘your’ thing.

People do it all the time, but does it make sense?

You can’t wait for the answer. That’s not how it works. You have to do something. You need the sticky test.

(I know, second time I mentioned it without telling you what it is! Your patience has paid off. It’s up next. : )

The Test

The answer, as with most things like this, is simple.

The only way to find out what interests you–or what lights you on fire–is to try it. You have to put yourself in the mix of things and see which ideas…wait for it…stick.

(I told you it was simple.)

You have to do things, a lot of them, and see how you respond. It’s the only way to know for sure what your path is.

You can sit and think for years, trying to mentally work through your talents and strengths and values, trying to match them to activities and interests. (And still be completely wrong about what connects with you.)

Or you can get up, join in, and do stuff. Then see how it goes.

I Knew It

I know what you’re thinking. You wanted some amazing insight or grand discovery. But I have a question: if the solution is so simple, why aren’t you doing it?

Why aren’t you constantly trying new things?

Why aren’t you writing or blogging or dancing or drawing or racing or climbing or teaching or reading or crafting or painting or playing or speaking or leading or helping or singing?

If you are, congrats. Ignore me and keep going.

If you’re not, why?

Better yet, when are you going to start?

The Bottom Line

We’ll only know what we’re passionate about when we try it and see how it makes us think and feel.

You can’t guess. You can’t just think. You definitely can’t wait.

You have to jump in the waters of many lakes.
Cal Newport of Study Hacks recently wrote a post about this topic for the popular blog Zen Habits. His thoughts sum things up perfectly:

In other words, discovering passion requires a dedication to unstructured exploration. You have to leave large swathes of free time in your schedule (a technique I call underscheduling), and fill this time with the exploration of things that might be interesting. Of equal importance, when something catches your attention you must leverage your free time to aggressively follow up.

As Caldwell’s research reveals, true passion can’t be forced. You can participate in personality tests and self-reflection exercises
until you drop from exhaustion, but it’s unstructured exploration coupled with aggressive follow-ups that most consistently leads people to a life-consuming interest.

Do a lot. See what sticks.

Everyone talks about goals.

(Well, not everyone, but a lot of people.)

And when they do, they rarely talk about the most important part. They talk about being specific and measurable. They talk about being segmented and shared.

But they never talk about the ‘right’ goal.

Yes, some goals are good and some goals are bad. Terrible, to be honest.

The wrong goal can stress you out, make you miserable, and leave you feeling like a complete failure. Oh, and they’re nearly impossible to achieve.

So what makes a goal good and what makes a goal bad?

The right goal is simple: it’s YOUR goal. It’s something you want because of what it will make of you and what it will deliver. This is key to motivation. YOU have to want IT. That is the engine of drive.

The advice might sound easy, but it’s rarely followed. Instead, people choose a goal for all the wrong reasons, four of which stand out among the crowd. We’ll cover what they are below and wrap up today’s issue with the reason they’re so dangerous.

When you’re thinking about going after a goal, never, ever choose one because you want to…

1. Gain acceptance.

If you set out to change your life or make something big happen just to fit in, you’ll fail. Or, if you win, you’ll lose. You won’t get that
sense of accomplishment that comes from working toward the things that matter to you most.

2. Reach someone else’s goals.

This happens all the time. Johnny is going to engineering school because Dad was an engineer. Does Johnny like it? Not at all. But he doesn’t want to let his dad down.

(Grammar Nerd Alert: You’ll notice dad is capitalized first but not second. The first instance was used as a proper noun and the second as a common noun. Lesson over.)

3. Avoid rejection.

We all want to fit in so badly that we’ll dart to the ends of the earth to do it (because that’s where our friends are jumping off bridges).

Because of this ingrained need, we say we want to do things that we don’t really want to do. We even go beyond talk and start doing something about it. But it’s not our goal, and that’s why it can never deliver what we want.

4. Undermine.

‘I’ll show him.’ That’s how it starts. Someone thinks we can’t do something, so we take on the goal just to prove him wrong. Bad idea.

Why should these reasons be avoided?

Disconnection.

When you want something because you want it, you have internal motivation. You’ll get out of bed early, push your muscles to the breaking point, and do what needs to be done because you want the outcome of the effort.

Every step forward, no matter how painful, is worth it. It’s bringing you one step closer to what you want.

There is a direct connection, an absolute link between what you want, what you do, and what you get.

When your goal is to please or fit in or undermine, you don’t want the goal. You want a side effect.

So instead of the hard work bringing you directly closer to what you want, it’s just work. Work you don’t enjoy. And when you succeed, if you can squeeze out a victory, the success is empty. You didn’t want the goal to begin with.

How motivated would you be to read the phone book? (What if everyone was doing it?)

Motivation survives on your wanting something for its own sake. Not to please, not to undermine, not to fit in, and definitely not to reach someone else’s 
goals.

The next time you want to change your life, make sure it’s for the right reasons.

A fascinating look at experiencing life at a new level, at the level of flow.