Everyone talks about goals.

(Well, not everyone, but a lot of people.)

And when they do, they rarely talk about the most important part. They talk about being specific and measurable. They talk about being segmented and shared.

But they never talk about the ‘right’ goal.

Yes, some goals are good and some goals are bad. Terrible, to be honest.

The wrong goal can stress you out, make you miserable, and leave you feeling like a complete failure. Oh, and they’re nearly impossible to achieve.

So what makes a goal good and what makes a goal bad?

The right goal is simple: it’s YOUR goal. It’s something you want because of what it will make of you and what it will deliver. This is key to motivation. YOU have to want IT. That is the engine of drive.

The advice might sound easy, but it’s rarely followed. Instead, people choose a goal for all the wrong reasons, four of which stand out among the crowd. We’ll cover what they are below and wrap up today’s issue with the reason they’re so dangerous.

When you’re thinking about going after a goal, never, ever choose one because you want to…

1. Gain acceptance.

If you set out to change your life or make something big happen just to fit in, you’ll fail. Or, if you win, you’ll lose. You won’t get that
sense of accomplishment that comes from working toward the things that matter to you most.

2. Reach someone else’s goals.

This happens all the time. Johnny is going to engineering school because Dad was an engineer. Does Johnny like it? Not at all. But he doesn’t want to let his dad down.

(Grammar Nerd Alert: You’ll notice dad is capitalized first but not second. The first instance was used as a proper noun and the second as a common noun. Lesson over.)

3. Avoid rejection.

We all want to fit in so badly that we’ll dart to the ends of the earth to do it (because that’s where our friends are jumping off bridges).

Because of this ingrained need, we say we want to do things that we don’t really want to do. We even go beyond talk and start doing something about it. But it’s not our goal, and that’s why it can never deliver what we want.

4. Undermine.

‘I’ll show him.’ That’s how it starts. Someone thinks we can’t do something, so we take on the goal just to prove him wrong. Bad idea.

Why should these reasons be avoided?

Disconnection.

When you want something because you want it, you have internal motivation. You’ll get out of bed early, push your muscles to the breaking point, and do what needs to be done because you want the outcome of the effort.

Every step forward, no matter how painful, is worth it. It’s bringing you one step closer to what you want.

There is a direct connection, an absolute link between what you want, what you do, and what you get.

When your goal is to please or fit in or undermine, you don’t want the goal. You want a side effect.

So instead of the hard work bringing you directly closer to what you want, it’s just work. Work you don’t enjoy. And when you succeed, if you can squeeze out a victory, the success is empty. You didn’t want the goal to begin with.

How motivated would you be to read the phone book? (What if everyone was doing it?)

Motivation survives on your wanting something for its own sake. Not to please, not to undermine, not to fit in, and definitely not to reach someone else’s 
goals.

The next time you want to change your life, make sure it’s for the right reasons.

I have something special for you today.

If you haven’t heard of him yet, Chris Guillebeau is an incredibly gifted writer, entrepreneur, and world traveler who has a simple goal.

He wants to travel to every country in the world (already 125 down) while helping people like you and me ‘live unconventional lives, make their own choices, and change the world.’

Not a bad way to live.

I wrote to Chris about a particular article I thought you would like. He graciously gave me permission to reprint it below.

For more from Chris and his unconventional way of thinking, visit his Art of Non-Conformity blog at ChrisGuillebeau.com.

Enjoy!

Jason

The Decision to Be Remarkable

by Chris Guillebeau

re-mark-able [adjective]: worthy of being noticed, especially as being uncommon or extraordinary

***

If you want to break out of the mold of average, the first thing you need to do is to make a decision to be radically different. Most remarkable people are people of action, and for a good reason: if you don’t take decisive action, nothing will ever change.

But this first step is entirely mental. It calls for a clear decision to rise above the culture of mediocrity. And then, of course, it calls  for action.

How do you decide to be remarkable?

1. Stop making excuses. Just stop. No one wants to hear why you couldn’t do something, so make a conscious decision to stop talking about it.

2. Take responsibility. This is the opposite of giving excuses. Take responsibility for your own success, and take responsibility for the  success of projects you work on. When something goes wrong (it usually does), take responsibility for that too.

3. Start questioning rules and expectations. Always ask questions and pay close attention to the answers you hear back. Some good starting questions are: Why is this rule in place? Who benefits from this rule being followed? What are the consequences if I don’t follow this rule or meet this expectation? What is the worst thing that could happen if I don’t follow this rule?

4. Find work that you love and do it well. Depending on who you are, this requires up to two big changes in your life: first, you have to find work that you love, and second, you have to do it well. Do it better than expected and people will be amazed.

5. Begin living your own life. This is what it’s all about–the life you were meant to live. If  you don’t know what that is yet, start looking for it. Why would you want to live someone else’s life?

6. Take it up a level. Take what’s already working well and exponentially add to it. Grow your business 300%. Apply for the position of CFO when you’re the Accounts Payable Clerk. Visit five countries instead of one on your next trip (or if you want to explore one place well, stay three weeks instead of one).

Beware of Excellence

But watch out: being remarkable is addicting. It’s like regular exercise or healthy eating. When you first start a new exercise routine or diet, the adjustment is hard for a while. But after about 3-6 months of following it consistently, you build up a natural addiction to it.

Once you get used to regular exercise, you’ll feel bad when you’re not doing it. The same is true with being remarkable: do it once, and it’s scary. Do it a few times, and you love it. Stop doing it, and you’ll get depressed.

Many remarkable people deal with depression and anxiety all the time because they see the world differently than average people do. Their own failures and perceived failures are magnified. When others say, “Don’t worry about it,” they can’t understand why someone would think something like that. For this reason, a lot of geniuses throughout history have been chronically depressed.

Those are the hard things—and you also have to think about the critics, the skeptics, and the competition. We’ll come to those later. On the other hand, there are some great benefits to being remarkable:

HELP FROM A COMMUNITY

As you proceed with your plans for world domination, or whatever you want to do, you’ll be naturally drawn to others who have made the same decisions to be different. Even better, they’ll be drawn to you. You’ll learn from them and vice versa.

Whether you live in the Dilbert Cube, the Ivory Tower, the public sector, or are out there on your own somewhere, there are lots of ways to be remarkable. The specific application is up to you, and when you choose to make your own way, other people who “get it” will seek you out.

Remarkable people are all minorities in a world of average living.

HELP FROM THE UNIVERSE

You’ll find help in all kinds of unexpected places and from people you never knew before. No one really knows how this works, practically speaking. It’s okay; just accept the gifts that are given to you. They are given for a reason.

The Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho put this best:

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

All you need to do is 1) start something, and 2) stick with it long enough to see results.

WHAT GOES UP STAYS UP

Instead of shrinking over time, your vision will actually get bigger. The funny thing about big goals is that they often take less time to achieve than you expect, and once you achieve them, you’ve already mentally moved on to bigger and better goals. As you proceed with questioning authority, building your army, achieving your goals, and helping others, the vision keeps expanding.

This is why it is not much more difficult to grow a business from $1,000 a month in sales to $10,000. The challenge is in getting that first $1,000 together.

This is why artists scrape together a meager living for an average of seven years before being noticed. Most of them drop out along the way, but for those who stick with it, all of sudden they’re selling paintings for $8 a square inch. (And by the way, art that sells for $10,000 isn’t always better than $100 art hanging in the coffee shop.)

This is your personal tipping point—not when everyone else starts adopting a new trend and makes it mainstream, but when everything comes together for your own vision. But you have to get in the game first, and you can do that by being remarkable.

***

Of all the steps required to change the world in the way you see fit, the decision to be remarkable is the most important. With this decision in place, other variables can be changed. Don’t rush this—it’s a big commitment.

Once you make the commitment, you need a vision to change the world. What will it be? Whatever you choose, make sure it’s remarkable enough to suit every gift you have ever been given. Once you decide to defy the expectations of being average, there will be a lot riding on your ultimate success.

Oh, and one final thing: don’t expect everyone to understand your decision, because plenty of people won’t get it at all. Don’t worry about them. Just be remarkable.

###

Reprinted with permission from Chris Guillebeau: writer, entrepreneur, and world traveler helping to change the world through his Art of Non-Conformity Blog at ChrisGuillebeau.com.