Motivation123 Blog

Are you waiting for permission?

For years (and even now, if I’m honest) I waited for permission.

I needed confirmation from this person or an OK from that authority. I needed someone to say my idea was good enough, that I was on target or at least getting close.

And then it hit me.

I was waiting for reassurance that my idea would be accepted. But by whom?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there wasn’t a committee in the sky judging whether or not my idea was good enough. There wasn’t a single, all-knowing voice granting or denying me permission.

There wasn’t a set of guidelines that said: Yes, you are savvy enough or smart enough or worthy of this. Go get ‘em tiger.

In truth, I was free to do what I wanted to do. It was OK.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me to go for it. I didn’t need someone else to do it first. I didn’t need anyone’s approval.

If something sounded good, I was free to try it . Of course, it might not work. But that isn’t the point.

The point is freedom. There was no more waiting, only ideas to mold and plans to enact.

I hereby grant you lifelong permission.

I know I’m different from most (don’t get me started!), but chances are good that you’re waiting just as I did.

You’re waiting for approval, for acceptance, for permission.

And though you don’t need any of that, I’m giving it to you just in case the message above isn’t enough to soothe your worrisome mind.

I grant you permission.

I grant you permission to be yourself. I grant you permission to take that brilliant idea you have and run with it. I grant you permission to live outside the norm and to hop-skip-jump to the beat of your own quirky drummer.

I grant you permission to do things you’ve never done.

I grant you permission to reach out to other people in ways you never have, pushing yourself past where it feels comfortable, but where it feels real.

I grant you permission to say what you think and to feel what you feel.

I grant you permission to stop doing what you think we want you to do. We don’t want you to do that anyway.

I grant you permission, my friend, to do, to be, and to have all the things that quiet little voice of hope whispers in your ear.

Don’t wait. Don’t linger. Make something happen.

You can do it. It’s OK.

Who wants to be authentic or successful or outstanding or passionate or evolving when it’s so much easier to be average?

Just in case you struggle with lowering your sites and settling for less, here’s 7 tips to get you started down the path of mediocrity.

1. Worry About What Others Think

Live for the approval of others. Do what you think they want–or won’t notice. Check each of your decisions by the benchmark of group acceptance.

2. See the Finished Product

Be overwhelmed by success. See only the clean and shiny after-pictures instead of the small steps that made it possible.

3. Do Safe

Don’t take risks. Small, medium, or large. Instead, live safely in the cocoon of seeming comfort. If you’ve done it before, keep doing it. And only it.

4. Think ‘Forever’

Treat each opportunity–or life overall—as infinite. Put things off today because, hey, you can always do it tomorrow. Don’t rush. Don’t hustle. Wait. Wait until it feels just right. Then keep waiting.

5. Compare Down

Compare yourself with people who have less, give less, do less. This will make you instantly feel better. It will also keep the pressure off. As long as you’re not drowning, there’s no need to kick hard.

6. Keep It Fuzzy

Don’t mess with your fears. Keep them just how they are: fuzzy and heavy. Let that vague feeling hold you back and scare you. Let those unclear doubts make your stomach twist and legs freeze. Don’t reduce your fears to their facts. Keep ‘em fuzzy.

7. Make Failure Permanent

Always, always, always see failing as a final fall. If you mess up–game over. You can’t get back up, you can’t brush yourself off. You are done, and you look like a fool for trying.

Follow these simple tips and you too can be average! (Or do their opposites and start to live a better, more exciting life.)

Ask the right questions and you’ll find the answers you need.

They’re amazing things, these “questions.” Merely speak the words and immediately our minds chug away, seeking out responses; it’s how we’re built.

The problem is that most people don’t know the ‘right’ questions to ask.

So here’s one I think is right.

Ask Yourself

What would you do if you had only 90 days to reach your goal or you would lose what you cared about most forever?

From clueless dreamers bumbling about, we become focused actors ready to pounce on any opportunity we see.

When the stakes are high enough, we find the answers we need.

Three questions.

1. What–PRECISELY–do you want?

2. Why–PRECISELY–do you want it?

3. Why–PRECISELY–don’t you want it?

(Wait, don’t want it? That’s right. I believe you want whatever you want, but I also know there are reasons you don’t want to do what it takes to get it. You’re afraid…to give something up or to push yourself past your comfort zone. Until you know what’s holding you back, you can’t get past it. That’s why it takes all three answers to get motivated.)

Some are good at basketball.

Some are good at poker, or needlepoint, or driving me crazy.

But we’re all great at storytelling.

We tell ourselves why it’s okay to stay in a job we hate. We tell ourselves why it’s okay to tuck away our great idea for another month. We tell ourselves it’s okay to stick right where we are, where it’s safe, sound, and secure.

We’re good at it, but we’re often wrong. It’s not always safe to do the “safe” thing–because that safe thing will eat away years of your life. It will keep things from changing, advancing. It will keep you precisely where you are.

Is that precisely where you want to be?

Some people are masses of stone with flat bottoms. They’re not going anywhere, no matter how hard we push.

Some people are like you.

They’re on the brink, at the edge, so close to the tipping point that they can see it, taste it. But they’re not there yet. They need help. They need a nudge.

And with that nudge, the match is lit and ideas explode into action.

Here are 17 nudgers to help you stop thinking about something and, instead, DO.

1. Scary Math

Minus your age from 75, then multiply by 52. That’s how many Thank-God-It’s-Fridays you have left, on average. It’s easy to forget how quickly our days disappear, working so hard to stay distracted and all. For right now, at this moment, don’t distract yourself. Do the math.

2. It Can Happen Now

Different seems hard. It’s easy to do what you’ve done, get what you’ve gotten. But change? That’s an uphill climb, a battle against nature, an impossible fight. Or is it? (No, it’s not.) When you believe that change is a brick wall that climbs miles into the air–and that it takes forever–well, those are heavy obstacles to ignore. But it’s all a lie. Every second is a new start. Yes, that sounds rah-rah motivational (which I try to avoid at all costs), but it’s fact. You could stand up a new person. You could do something different in the next moment. Change doesn’t have to take a lifetime; it starts right now. So start.

3. Going, Going, Gone

Another warning. (Sorry, I don’t mean to be a downer, but the fact is that fear motivates. And if it motivates you to change your life for the better, it’s a good thing.) Many people (perhaps you?) could do something about the things you want to have or be or do. Yes, I know you’re scared. I know you have a thousand excuses. But, still, you COULD do something if you really wanted to, or had to. That’s true now, but it won’t always be. Opportunities come and go all the time and without notice. “I’ll do it later,” you tell yourself. Eventually, that won’t be an option. Eventually your chance will be gone. Take a stab while you still can.

4. Happy-Happy, Joy-Joy

Finally, a happy idea. Think of something you want–you want to get motivated, so you obviously want something, right? Now think of the strongest reason you want it. What will it give you? How will it change you? How will it make you feel? What will life be like when you move toward and finally make it real? There’s your motivation.

5. You are an Example

Are you a good one? Do you have children? Would they be proud to know you have a dream that you’re too afraid to enact? Is that the example you want to give them? You’re an example, perhaps not to sons or daughters, but to someone. A friend. A co-worker. A human. Be an example that inspires us to be better.

6. Get Psyched

Think about it: if you get good at this, if you learn the skills behind motivation, your life is whatever you want it to be. You get crayons and a bright sheet of blank paper. What are you going to draw? That’s totally up to you, and that’s incredible. Life is hard, life is short, but life is also yours to mold. You can live where you want to live, eat what you want to eat, see what you want to see, go where you want to go, be who you want to be. If you learn how to get motivated, you can make anything happen. That’s exciting.

7. Make Smart Comparisons

Want to kill your drive? Compare yourself to someone who isn’t as happy, motivated, charitable, creative…”Well, at least I’m better off than that guy.” At that moment, in that instant, the pressure to be better is released. You’re comfortable again. You feel good about where you are. “Yeah, things could be improved, but I can’t complain.” You need to complain. You know what you’re capable of. You know what you could do if you only had the guts. So don’t compare yourself to situations and people you don’t want to emulate. Compare yourself to someone or something bigger and better. Compare yourself to someone who isn’t afraid and who gives life to ideas. Are you that person yet? Then get to work.

8. It is Up to…

YOU. People may help. Opportunities may drop near your lap. Dumb luck might smack you in the face. But you–yes, you–are going to have to make it happen. If it’s going to be, it’s going to be through your hands, your courage, your heart.

9. What If?

What if you fail? What if you keep putting it off (whatever ‘it’ is) for years, decades, a lifetime? What is it going to cost you? How much worse is your life going to be? Who are you going to let down? How will it feel to let yourself down? Make it painful. Make it hurt. Then make sure it doesn’t happen.

10. Is It Going to Kill You?

I know you’re afraid. I am too. We’re all scared to do something new or to put ourselves out there for everyone to judge. But will it kill you? Will it kill you to stand up for an idea that everyone else laughs at? Will it kill you to sing or play piano, go back to school as a mom or dad, start a blog around your passion, dress in that snazzy hat you love, talk to a stranger? Uncomfortable? Sure. Make you feel sick to your stomach? Maybe. But that’s how you live. You don’t sit in your comfy chair, far removed from the activity of the world. You get up. You do things, new things. You put yourself into the mix and drink up everything earth has to offer. It’s scary, but it’s worth it.

11. I lied.

I only had ten ideas to share. But I made a promise, so I have to get to work on more tips and idea for you. It’s the power of a promise. Tell someone, today, that you’re going to do this or that. You’ll create something that wasn’t there before. You’ll create pressure–positive pressure–and you’ll create an obligation. Someone knows your plans now. She expects results. Don’t let her down. (Okay, that was a tip, so I didn’t really lie. But I did end this post with a twist to keep you guessing.)

Now it’s your turn: What is the greatest tip you have for getting motivated quickly? Let us know in the comments below.

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If you liked this post, why not share it with someone who could use a nudge? Maybe one of your friends is at the brink of doing something big. But, right now, he’s wavering. The idea could die. But not if you save it.

One of these tips, or a tip from the comments below, could be the nudge he or she needs to change everything. You could be the vehicle that creates a shift that alters their lives forever. Not a bad way to spend your Wednesday afternoon.

Thousands of years ago, when we were hashing it out with big-toothed cats, our fear response made perfect sense.

When trouble loomed, our internal systems leaped into action. Our breathing sped up, our hearts pounded, our attention snapped into focus. We were on heightened alert, tingling with anxious anticipation. Everything was seen through the filter of danger, of a potential threat to our survival.

As I said, it worked well back in the day. But when our daily threats changed from big cats to the big presentation, those responses weren’t as helpful.

Our bodies are wired for our past, keeping you average in the present.

Doing work that matters, following your passions, changing your ways, stepping up and doing the right thing…these can be frightening experiences. As such, they set off your fear responses. Your brain is telling you you’re in danger and so you back down.

You stay right where you are, where your brain thinks it’s safe. Sure, you’re unhappy, stifled, bored, and settling for a sub-par life, but you’re safe. Or so your prehistoric brain thinks.

This is no way to live. Imagine what you could do–would do–if you weren’t afraid (Of the non-threats, of course. If a bear is eating your lunch, be afraid).

You’d start that business instead of making excuses. You’d pitch your idea instead of researching just one more day. You’d launch that blog you’ve been thinking about instead of talking yourself out of it, once again. You’d be the person you’d look up to instead of fitting in and fading out.

The old response is keeping you from the better life that’s just around the corner. Below are a few tips to help put that knee-jerk reaction in check.

1. Give It a Name: The fuzzier it is, the bigger it seems. A vague feeling of dread is like a fog: it expands and surrounds us. The actual issue might be small and unlikely, but as that vague feeling it seems unbearable.

The antidote? Define it. Write down on a sheet of paper the details of what scares you. What, exactly, do you think is going to happen? And why, exactly, does that scare you?

Nine times out of ten, you’ll realize the big fear is actually a small matter. And, just like that, the “threat” will be stripped of its worrisome sting.

2. Reframe It: This is a good one. In his book Iconoclast, author Gregory Burns, M.D., Ph.D., outlines the mind of those men and women who aren’t afraid to do the unexpected, the unfamiliar, the outrageous (and courageous). One of the things that set them apart is how they reframe their bodies response to fear.

The average person feels the butterflies in his stomach and says, “I’m nervous. I’m freaking out. I can’t do this.”

The iconoclast feels the same butterflies and says, “I’m ready.”

They take the same responses and mold them into a different story. They give fear a different meaning. It doesn’t mean danger or a time to back down. The heart beating, the palms sweating mean they are stepping up and doing the right thing. It’s a sign that they’re doing something that matters.

They take the cue and take action.

3. Tire It Out: Studies have shown that our brains can’t stay afraid for an extended period of time. It’s such an intense reaction, it gets tired. So, when you do the thing that scares you, those crazy feelings won’t last forever. You body will adjust. You’ll calm down.

Knowing this in advance, you can tell yourself that you might feel incredibly anxious now, but it won’t last for long.

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Want more help? I stumbled upon this great Web site that I know you’ll love. It’s an online magazine of sorts, all geared toward helping you beat down the fears that keep you paralyzed.

You can get their latest issue here: http://fearlessstories.com/

That’s all for now.

Talk soon,

Jason

Confidence is a game changer.

If you feel—no, if you’re convinced—that you can do what you set out to do, you think differently. You feel differently. You act differently.

You’re not afraid of taking risks, not afraid of stepping outside your comfort zone. You’re not held in check by what others might think of you. You’re not frozen by the thought of making a mistake or trying to be perfect.

You become an entirely different person, someone who knows what they want and knows how to get it. It’s a good place to be.

But how do you get there?

Truth about Confident People
If I’m really tall, you may feel short. (I’m not really tall, so no worries.) If I’m hilarious, you may feel not so funny (that one is true). And if you look around and see effortlessly confident men and women, you may feel as though you don’t stack up.

Not a real confidence boost.

Fortunately, there’s a hidden truth that can turn this insecurity into hope.

Though we assume confident people are born that way (and in turn that we have no chance of matching their coolness or chutzpa), the truth is that many outgoing, charismatic people learned to be outgoing and charismatic.

Which means you can too.

A Rocky Start
“No matter what I accomplish, they’ll be bringing up those early tough times,” superstar comic and soon-to-be late-night host on TBS Conan O’Brien told NPR. “If a giant meteor was headed towards Earth, and I quickly constructed a rocket ship and flew out there and deflected the meteor, saving the Earth from certain destruction, the headline would be O’Brien saves earth, after rocky start.”

What he’s referring to is the beginning of his late-night career back in the early 90s. He was, as one critic put it, “a living collage of annoying nervous habits.” It was clear to anyone who watched that O’Brien was out of his element, awkwardly struggling with inexperience in front of the camera.

But there was a good reason.

It turns out that O’Brien’s greatest fear was performing comedy in front of a live audience. To beat the fear, he took it head on. And the result? He’s now considered one of the funniest men on television, not at all out of his element or uncomfortable with the limelight.

The same critic who prattled on about his annoying habits eventually wrote that O’Brien was “one of the greatest examples of a self-makeover in television history.”

What Conan Taught Us
So we have two lessons here: First, tackle what scares you. It’s a sure way to rid yourself of the anxiety and paralysis that accompany fear. Second, if an insecure, awkward, bumbling rookie can turn into a comic juggernaut, you can too. (Well, maybe not a comic juggernaut, but certainly a more confident person.)

Like any skill, it doesn’t matter where you are now—you can always get better. You can transform yourself into cool, calm, and collected, always comfortable in your skin and happy to engage with the world.

For simple tips to make that happen, stay tuned for our next Motivation123 QuickTip in your e-mail inbox!

Today I’m going to ask you something.

It’s a simple question, but powerful nonetheless. It can quickly snap you out of any rut and motivate in just a few seconds.

It works so well because we like to fool ourselves. We say, “I really want (fill in the blank), but it’s going to have to wait. Someday, I’ll make it happen.”

The truth is that it won’t happen, not if we continue following the same routine.

But that’s not fun to think about, so we rationalize and deceive ourselves and ultimately lock our hopes away in a pretty little basket called someday.

Today’s question is a wake-up call, if you let it sink in. So do yourself a favor and let it.

Ask: If I don’t change what I’m doing each day, will I ever get what I want?

Are your daily actions bringing you closer to your goals? If not, don’t expect things to change anytime soon.

It might feel good in the moment to believe in someday, but you can’t hide from the truth–you have to do something different to get something different.

If what you’re doing today isn’t going to bring you closer to what you want, stop fooling yourself. Start doing something different.

The Spanish have a proverb:  Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Clever wordsmiths, those  Spaniards.

We all procrastinate. We dawdle and delay, dally and defer. My  office floor is still home to a pile of papers that needed filing two months  ago; I’m waiting for them to stop dallying and file themselves.

Whatever  the task, whatever the excuse, the tips below will help you do today what most  people put off to next month.

1. Ask yourself, What’s the holdup? People  procrastinate for many reasons. Some fear failure. Some avoid boring jobs.  Others shy away from getting tangled in a complicated mess (i.e., my pile of  papers). Knowing the cause of the problem may open your eyes to an obvious  solution.

2. Do you need to do it? Simple question, but it’s a good one.  Sometimes we put something off because it’s not important. If you don’t really  need to do it, free yourself of the mental burden and drop the task from your  to-do list.

3. Ask for help. I have an ancient window mechanism that  takes the effort of a drawbridge operator to open. Last month, unsurprisingly,  it broke. Someone had to fix it, but I was hoping that someone wasn’t me. So I  put it off.

After weeks of gazing at the window without actually doing  anything, I asked a friend to help. It wasn’t only because I have the mechanical  skills of an uncoordinated squid; I knew it would get me moving.

4.  Commit just five minutes. That’s it–just 300 seconds. Telling yourself you only  have to do something for a sliver of time does two things.

It transforms  a big job into a tiny matter: Five minutes? I can do that. And because getting  started is the hardest part, once your five minutes is up you’ll often drive  right on through to the finish.

5. Focus on the end. Thinking about how  you’ll feel when you’ve done whatever needs to be done may motivate you to make  it happen.

I don’t much like to organize, but I love to be organized.  This is what I focus on–the feeling of having everything in its place, clean  and tidy–when I need to declutter a space. Although my pile of papers proves  that I have some work to do.

6. Just do it. Quit stalling. Quit  rationalizing. Stand up, walk to the danger zone, and get to work.